Overall, the student shows to possess many ideas and knowledge on the subject. Still, the essay lacks stronger connections and smoother transition from subject to subject as well as organization. Due to the lack of stronger connections the essay also appears to be going back and forth causing it to have a sense of "being all over the place."
Ex.In the third paragraph, the student talks about the contradiction that commercials send out, encouraging people to lose weight and then broadcasting commercials that promote fast food chains and video games.
"The media explores on the issue of obesity America suffering with but in the next minutes a fast food restaurant commercial is acknowledged. Followed by video game commercials leading into a weight loss commercial. Advertising doesn't have a vaid (SP) message because its advocating to eat while playing video games or watching TV. "
I strongly encourage the students to draw out further details as to why this is so because by briefly touching up on it makes the essay sound "list like".
Another piece of advise that I want to give, is going back and further explaining the reasons as to why they chose their examples. In other words the student needs to be more clear in letting the reader know her opinions on the matter.
ex. In their first paragrahp the student writes as follows,
"It is safe to say that advertisements are a person's guideline in life."
This is a good statement, but the writer needs to further explain as to why she believes this is so.
Furthermore, I would encourage the student to make an appointment with their schools writing center. There are grammatical mistakes and word choice errors that if corrected would boost the clarity of the essay.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sondra Perl's; Understanding Composing
Sondra Perl believes in three basic ideas that are essential when it comes to writing; retrospective structuring, felt sense and projective structuring. Retrospective structuring deals with the order, organization, paraphrasing, sentence order and grammar of the piece of writing. Projective structuring involves the writer being able to take into consideration the views of the readers and predicting how they would respond. As for the felt sense, it can be described as a feeling or intuition that comes to the writer as they are writing. In other words, felt sense deals with being able to answer a question like "Is this what I really want to say?"
I agree with Sondra Perl, and believe that without applying all these three aspects one could not truly compose a successful piece of writing. Each one plays an important role in strengthening a composition, for example, without projective structuring a person might write a paper which is unappealing and uninteresting to the reader. Still it is important to remember that when it comes to projective structuring, one must not confuse the idea of connecting to the reader with writing obsessively and engage in compulsive corrections.
In order to not fall into mistakes like this, one can call on what Sondra Perl called "their felt sense". The reason why this aspect plays an important role is because although it is important to keep your readers interests in perspective, it is also important to keep your own views and ideas present in your paper. In my opinion, I believe felt sense is my favorite of these three aspects because it is the most useful. Felt sense does not only help you by keeping your ideas in mind but it also helps you stay on topic. For example, if during your paper, you begin to feel that perhaps your paper is getting of topic, felt sense can help you get back on track by simply asking "What do I need to do to get back on track with what I originally wanted to say?"
Towards the end of your paper, is usually when the retrospective structuring comes into play. In my opinion I see it as a final polish. Basically, it is used to make sure that all your ideas, and points of views are understandable and organized. There is no point in having interesting ideas and an appealing composition if it cant be understood by the reader, and this is basically what the retrospective structure helps you obtain.
I agree with Sondra Perl, and believe that without applying all these three aspects one could not truly compose a successful piece of writing. Each one plays an important role in strengthening a composition, for example, without projective structuring a person might write a paper which is unappealing and uninteresting to the reader. Still it is important to remember that when it comes to projective structuring, one must not confuse the idea of connecting to the reader with writing obsessively and engage in compulsive corrections.
In order to not fall into mistakes like this, one can call on what Sondra Perl called "their felt sense". The reason why this aspect plays an important role is because although it is important to keep your readers interests in perspective, it is also important to keep your own views and ideas present in your paper. In my opinion, I believe felt sense is my favorite of these three aspects because it is the most useful. Felt sense does not only help you by keeping your ideas in mind but it also helps you stay on topic. For example, if during your paper, you begin to feel that perhaps your paper is getting of topic, felt sense can help you get back on track by simply asking "What do I need to do to get back on track with what I originally wanted to say?"
Towards the end of your paper, is usually when the retrospective structuring comes into play. In my opinion I see it as a final polish. Basically, it is used to make sure that all your ideas, and points of views are understandable and organized. There is no point in having interesting ideas and an appealing composition if it cant be understood by the reader, and this is basically what the retrospective structure helps you obtain.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tutoring Do's and Dont's
When engaging in a tutoring session.....
Do's:
1) Look the part; Be approachable, Be alert and relaxed, Sit right, Look attentive, Speak in a tone that is both friendly and professional, Show interest (Not too much or the student might confuse it with impatience)
2) Focus on the HOC's (Higher order concerns); Clarity of thesis or focus, adequate development and information, effective structure or organization, and appropriate voice or tone.
3) Make sure you are in an appropriate environment; Sit next to the writer or be in a position where both of you can see the draft, Be in a space that is ample, comfortable, well lighted and cheery. Be well stocked with writing tools such as computers, printers, software, pens, paper, and reference books.
3) Ask professional questions; questions that help the writer draw out and brainstorm ideas that will be important in writing, and/or correcting their paper.
Dont's:
1)Avoid over-correcting errors; Do not nitpick or worry about LOC's (Low Order Concerns) including sentence structure and variety, punctuation, grammar, and usage, and spelling.
2) Avoid gestures and actions that the writer might read as inattention, boredom, or displeasure; this includes folded arms, looking past the writer at other people or events, taking a phone call, looking at a clock or watch, yawning, fidgeting, doodling, drumming fingers, and tapping a pen.
3) Do not allow food in the room which you are occupying. Either from you or the student.
4) Do not turn the session into a therapy session. A tutor is not to involve themselves with matters that are not relating to the essay.
5) Respect the writer's ideas and words. Do not try and take over the paper. A tutor;s job is to help the writer feel welcomed and to explore their own ideas and their own ways to express themselves.
6) Do not try to play the expert. A tutor is allowed to make mistakes or ask someone else for advice if they are not sure what to do.
Do's:
1) Look the part; Be approachable, Be alert and relaxed, Sit right, Look attentive, Speak in a tone that is both friendly and professional, Show interest (Not too much or the student might confuse it with impatience)
2) Focus on the HOC's (Higher order concerns); Clarity of thesis or focus, adequate development and information, effective structure or organization, and appropriate voice or tone.
3) Make sure you are in an appropriate environment; Sit next to the writer or be in a position where both of you can see the draft, Be in a space that is ample, comfortable, well lighted and cheery. Be well stocked with writing tools such as computers, printers, software, pens, paper, and reference books.
3) Ask professional questions; questions that help the writer draw out and brainstorm ideas that will be important in writing, and/or correcting their paper.
Dont's:
1)Avoid over-correcting errors; Do not nitpick or worry about LOC's (Low Order Concerns) including sentence structure and variety, punctuation, grammar, and usage, and spelling.
2) Avoid gestures and actions that the writer might read as inattention, boredom, or displeasure; this includes folded arms, looking past the writer at other people or events, taking a phone call, looking at a clock or watch, yawning, fidgeting, doodling, drumming fingers, and tapping a pen.
3) Do not allow food in the room which you are occupying. Either from you or the student.
4) Do not turn the session into a therapy session. A tutor is not to involve themselves with matters that are not relating to the essay.
5) Respect the writer's ideas and words. Do not try and take over the paper. A tutor;s job is to help the writer feel welcomed and to explore their own ideas and their own ways to express themselves.
6) Do not try to play the expert. A tutor is allowed to make mistakes or ask someone else for advice if they are not sure what to do.
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